Bay Area Mindset: No More Pets

If you needed another reason to find out that people who are sequestered in San Francisco or its environs operate on a different wavelength than the rest of the entire Western world, look no further.  The list of things which are absolutely verboten within the city limits has grown to include handguns (later struck down by the state Supreme Court), circumcision, plastic bags, smoking pretty much anywhere outside of your home, toys in kids' meals, the battleship U.S.S. Iowa (!!!), sitting or laying down on the sidewalk, and the unsolicited delivery of phone books.  YES, PHONE BOOKS.

The newest idea to ensure the unique common-sense deficiency of the Bay Area is set in stone is an inititative to be put on the ballot for voters in November to ban the sale of all pets within the city.  Quoth the L.A. Times:

[T]he Humane Pet Acquisition Proposal is on its way to the Board of Supervisors, and it hopes to protect everything from Great Danes to goldfish.

Yes, goldfish. And guppies, gobies, gouramies, glowlight tetras, German blue rams. No fish, no fowl, no reptiles, no amphibians, no cats, no dogs, no gerbils, no rats. If it flies, crawls, runs, swims or slithers, you would not be able to buy it in the city named for the patron saint of animals.


 Representatives of the $45-billion to $50-billion-a-year pet industry call the San Francisco proposal "by far the most radical ban we've seen" nationwide and argue that it would force small operators to close. Animal activists say it will save small but important lives, along with taxpayer money, and end needless suffering.

It's easy to see that the bill was made to react to the puppy mills and kitten factories, which are not nice places.  But somewhere along the line, the lawmakers got it into their heads that, hey, why not just extend the ban to EVERY SINGLE ANIMAL, regardless of what or where they are?

The ban does not prohibit the sale of live animals for eventual human consumption, like crabs, lobsters, or Rhode Island Reds.  (At this point I would say something about the questionable cuisine of Chinatown, but come on.  That's far too easy.)

...I've got nothing.  San Francisco is a liberal social entity unto itself, and deserves to fall in the ocean with the rest of this morally destitute and ass-backwards state.

The Two Minutes' Hate: Operation Fast And Furious

If you were looking for a reason to pick up a heavy object and heave it into the nearest wall or expensive piece of household electronics, allow me to oblige, because that's exactly how I feel about this.

The House Oversight And Government Reform Committee, headed by Rep. Darrell Issa (D-CA), launched an investigation into the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives' poorly-thought-out and monstrously mismanaged Operation Fast And Furious after it was revealed that an AK-47 semiautomatic rifle which was allowed to "walk" under the operation's guidelines was used to murder Border Patrol Agent Brian Terry near the U.S.-Mexico border in Arizona in December of 2010.  On Wednesday morning, the investigation released its findings, and what they found will make everyone blessed with the gift of common sense scream WTF at the skies.  Read the entire congressional report here (PDF) and observe the quackery after the break.

How Bleeping Much Should We Have To Bleeping Take?

While perusing my timeline on Twitter, I read an article tweeted by the L.A. Times online, Entertainment section, about the proliferation of curse words being bleeped on network TV just to yank a few yuks from the audience.  To wit:

[T]he use of bleeped curse words on television has risen steadily, particularly over the past few years, according to a recent study by the Parents Television Council, an L.A.-based media watchdog group. Across all networks and prime-time hours in 2010, a bleeped or muted S-word aired 95 times (up from 11 times in 2005) while a bleeped or muted F-word aired 276 times (up from 11 times in 2005).

 Before we get inundated with comments* ranging from HOLY DIARRHEA-BLUBBERING FUCKBALLS FCC SUX 1ST AMENDMENT RIGHTS THAT MEANS FREEDOM OF SPEECH YOU FASCIST COMMIE NAZI PIG RAPERS to HOLY FROG-FLOPPING SHITCICLES THIS IS A MOTHERFUCKING OUTRAGE LET'S STRING UP ALL THESE PREVERTS BEFORE THEY DESTROY OUR CHILDRENS' PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS WITH FLUORIDATION, let's take a look at America's TV history, and censorship as a whole after the break.

*DISCLAIMER: The above comments are designed as samples and do not convey actual commentary written to this blog.  Your mileage may vary.  Professional driver on a closed course.  Do not attempt at home.  Viewer discretion is advised.

My friend needs help in giving back to the troops!

This is a shout-out to all my gentle readers, regular, new folks, lurkers, or otherwise.  My friend Heather is a finalist in a contest to win an iPad 2, but it's a different sort of contest, and she needs votes from us.

Here's the pitch: Whoever gets the most votes in this contest will win the device, but also has to do something to prove they want it.  Heather has offered to hand-craft hundreds of pillowcases for our wounded troops in Afghanistan.  And who doesn't want to give our boys over there a little morale boost?  And I would hope that you don't need an extra incentive to do this, but when you vote, you get an extra entry in the website's iPod giveaway as well.

Here is the link to her original blog post all about it: bit.ly/pillows4vets

And here is a picture of one of the pillowcases.  They will each have a unique design on them, so no two will be exactly alike.  Thanks much from me for your time, and hopefully I can pay you all back someday if you can help.

Im in ur newsrooms readin ur emails

TGIF, gentle readers!  So what's the biggest breaking news story to hit our shores?  Not the stories which tell us that several hundred thousand acres of Arizona have been immolated, or that fungal spores are killing residents of weather-battered Joplin, MO.  Oh no, that's small potatoes compared to this headline.  And what, may you ask, would that be?  Why, allow me to indulge. 

The State of Alaska, due to a Freedom of Information Act request from six news agencies, released approximately 24,000 pages' worth of e-mail written by former GOP vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin during her time as Governor.  From the L.A. Times:

The state of Alaska is expected to release more than 24,000 pages worth of emails from Sarah Palin's tenure as governor, more than two years after they were requested by news organizations and local activists.

The Palin emails were originally sought to shed light on the then-little-known running mate of 2008 Republican presidential nominee John McCain. Their release comes at a very different time -- as Palin, who enjoys near-universal name recognition, is contemplating a White House bid of her own.

 Among the apparently aphrodisiac pages have been discovered death threats, congratulations, correspondence between her and Todd Palin, and, what I'm sure all Americans have been waiting with bated breath for: a possible installation of a tanning bed in the Governor's House.

Okay, we get it, the MSM and bloggers everywhere are obsessed with Palin.  They absolutely exploded as soon as Sen. McCain made her his pick for veep in the 2008 presidential campaign, scrambling to try and find out where in the world she came from.  Instead of making valid, concise news stories and blog posts that make you think, well...  I'll let you decide.

Frankly, it's getting pretty damn annoying.  If the best news on Friday is ZOMG SEKRIT DOX FRUM ALASKA, I'm starting to think it might be a better idea to move someplace simpler.  Like Tijuana.